1. Buy awesome military-style hoodie on deal-of-the-day discount site. Like so:
2. Love it so much that you decide to hibernate in it for the winter.
3. Lose it, probably the night you kicked over a bottle of champagne AND broke a glass independently at the Alamo Drafthouse, but maybe you are not sure. Maybe you remember having it before then, but not after then, but maybe you lost it before everyone showed up because it is so awesome that they should have noticed it, and you don’t remember anyone mentioning it. You remember your mom admiring it two weeks prior, for example, and she hates everything you wear.
4. Wait 3 weeks.
5. Finally notice it is actually missing. You fucking spacecase.
6. Do extensive research on discount site to identify the maker and style, then more extensive research to buy it a second time from Amazon. Maybe even debate buying a spare. Or two. (it really is a totally amazing hoodie)
7. (projected) Locate it tonight in a place you swear you already checked like, six times.
* Note that there are a million other ways to be Aleta, most of which are significantly less self-deprecating, but this is the kind of shit that really stands out.